What is “Boldly Going Nowhere”?

I recently re-read my old article on this subject and felt moved to replace it with this one.

When i write about boldly going nowhere it often comes across as though i’m suggesting that we become inactive – that we stop responding to what is or being passionate about change. Boldly going nowhere isn’t about doing nothing, it’s about not-doing everything – doing everything without doing.

Let’s say an emotion comes along. What do you do? Do you label it ("I’m feeling <blank>.")?Do you find someone or something to blame it on? Do you make up stories about it? Do you make it mean something? Do you try to fix it, hide it, hurry it along, pretend it doesn’t matter, make it go away? All of that is what i call "doing" – making stuff up on top of what’s happening. Sometimes it’s quite obvious what we’re feeling and why (grief, depression, etc. after losing a loved one, for example), but the question is still "What do we do with that?"

The idea of not controlling an emotional process is probably pretty scary for most of us. We have no idea where it will take us, what it will do to us, what we’ll look like during the process or what shape it will leave us in when it’s done. We have no idea what it will require of us or how much it will disrupt our lives, reputations, plans, etc. We have no idea how the people around us will respond to how "out of control" we are, how little preference or opinion we have about the process, or the fact that we’re not doing anything to "get better" as soon as we can.

Here’s another example: What about those things that we know need to get done but that we never seem to get around to doing? How quickly do we decide that that’s a problem? How easy is it for us to believe that knowing about it now means we should be doing something about it now? How quickly do we turn the not-yet-doing into dread-of-doing? Do we start to feel guilty about it after a while? Do we judge and scold ourselves for not doing what we know we should be doing? How quickly do we turn it into a battle between what we want to do and what we think we should do? How long does it take before we can’t stand it anymore and contrive a way to just get it done and out of the way so we can move on already, even if that means ignoring our own needs and pacing and thereby hurting ourselves in the process?

In America, we rarely wait long enough for a process to organically come to completion and we’re so used to ignoring our subtle (or not) needs that we don’t notice how we commonly hurt ourselves. We don’t have time to wait – for life or ourselves. There’s too much to do. Only fools and losers wait. Most of us aren’t aware that everything has its own timing and that when the time arrives the doing feels effortless. Of course, we have no idea when something’s time will arrive, and that makes it difficult to control our movement forward in life. We’re too busy trying to get where we want to go to be able to move with life’s organic pacing. Our lack of trust and patience has been turned into a household saying that justifies our lack of trust and patience and turns it into an anthem of empowerment: "Just do it."

Our minds like to make stuff up. They like to keep themselves occupied – distracted, engaged, busy. They love to weave elaborate, engaging structures of meaning, purpose, preference and opinion around anything and everything. Perhaps it helps them feel more secure by creating the illusion of a solid, stable, individual identity. They like to play with things and dream up all sorts of things to do with things. Perhaps it gives them a sense of power and control. "Look what i can do" and "Because i can" become not just the rallying cries of our individual psyches, but the justifications of our entire civilization.

How can we ride the horse of life without picking up the reins and trying to make it go where we want or think it should go? Boldly going nowhere happens when life moves us and we don’t make up or do extra stuff on top of it. Let’s go back to the example of losing a loved one. Most people will feel moved to respond with some sort of mourning behaviors – crying, staying home, wearing black, feeling bereft, rending their clothes, having a funeral, wake, and/or memorial, etc. – but what do we do on top of that? Do we say "This should never have happened."? Do we blame ourselves or someone else? Do we decide that God is malicious or indifferent because he killed someone so young, vibrant, popular, etc? Do we make up stories about why they died, where they went and/or what it means? Do we force ourselves to stop feeling "negatively" so we can get on with "enjoying our lives"?

The tricky part of boldly going nowhere is that, just as we may begin noticing what we do on top of what’s happening, we may also begin to notice what we do on top of what we’re doing on top of what’s happening. In other words, even if how we’re being moved is to make up and do extra stuff on top of what’s happening, the question is still "What do we do with that?" Do we get busy trying to stop the doing? That just compounds the doing. Making stuff up is also part of an organic process with its own timing and pacing. Everything is. And what do we do with that?

It can be easy for us modern, "civilized" people to get caught up in thinking about how, why and when things should be done. It can also be easy for us to be violent with ourselves in the service of getting somewhere. We get involved in a lot of doing about doing and quickly leave ourselves behind. On the other hand, thinking and doing about doing fade away and become obsolete as we’re moved more and more to be life’s doing. Life does us – leaving us to do (life’s doing) without doing. Being moved to be life’s doing is being moved to be at peace.

Relaxing into reality is really quite relaxing… when we’re not freaking out about the lack of control, that is.

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